Waiting for the World to Change?

I think that we have lost sight of who we are.

Today, people are so oblivious to the things happening around them. We are all a part of this matrix system, living the day to day without a care in the world, until something personally affects us.  We do what we are told and go through the motions of just living ordinary lives. We don't speak up and when we do we are barely heard. What happened to "We are the People"? Where is our voice? But more importantly, why are we just sitting ducks while our world comes crashing down? Where is the passion that started this country, where is that drive and dedication? Why did we let them take that away from us? We still have a voice and we still have a say but we need to wake up and pay attention.

How can we be more concerned about a new relationship on Facebook or the premiere of the Walking Dead than the well being of our country? I can say, I too, am a victim of this. I never watch the news and rely on my father to fill me in on current events only because I am occasionally quizzed in one of my classes. But recently it has hit me. Why don't I care more? Am I really so naive in thinking that what is going on in the world and in our country is not going to affect me? Well apparently. But I am ready to change. It's time to change.

Please tell me the last time you actually cared about something bigger? Something that wasn't a day to day problem that directly affected you? Yeah, its a little hard isn't it?

I think it's time to change the way we think and the way we do things. It's our time to clean up this mess that was left for us. Many of us are graduating this year or early next year and the destiny of our country is in our hands. Yeah, it sucks with the state we are currently in. But we have the opportunity to make or break history. I have always been a firm believer in if you cannot change your situation, change your attitude about it. Well, in this case change your attitude and you might be surprised how it  might change your situation. So what are you gonna do about it? Are you just going to sit back and watch? How can you directly affect the well-being of our country, the well being of our generation?

You may be thinking, well this is dumb. I do not make a difference, how could I actually affect the well-being of our country in a positive way? Well you can. We can. We are all extremely talented, driven, creative, smart, and passionate human beings. We all have values and morals that we hold, whether we are living them out or not. So use those things. Hold those things true to yourself in your day to day life. Be kind. Smile at one another and pick each other up. Do not fall into the temptations of the status quo. Be who you are, and express that to others. Speak your heart.

If we all dive into the core of ourselves, we will find that we are able to change anything we put our minds to. We are more powerful than we think and we will make a difference, together.

So, what are you going to do today to better the future of tomorrow? We are Generation Now. We are the Hope. We are the Future. Wake up to the reality that you can make a difference and that it is our turn to shine. Go, now and take that leap of faith; at this point what do we really have to lose?

Life or Something Like That.

Tonight I have been attempting to study for my exam. (and failing miserably) I got all the goods: notecards, colored pens, computer, and 28 pages of notes I don't quite comprehend. Oh College; it's such a love hate relationship. I love being here...but the things you do to yourself when you're here are just bad...like pulling this all-nighter, for example.

This year has been an interesting one. It's crazy to think that I am already into my second semester as a junior in college. Time will not slow down. They say as you get older time speeds up on you and right now that statement couldn't be more true.

I have learned a lot being in college. Not so much in the classroom, but more of the person I am becoming. I have learned that I am obsessed with pickles and I am starting to like spicy food. I have learned that I am the type of person that takes on too many things because I want to be apart of everything. I've learned I like to sleep a lot but that I can also function perfectly normal if I just get my butt out of bed. I have learned that best friends are not always people that you have known all of your life and that if you take the time for people that have always been there for you, they will never leave your side. I have experienced heartbreak but not yet love. I have gone through losing someone that I took for granted and I have finally figured out that no matter how hard I try I will always be horrible at math. I have found my faith and lost it, within days later. I have realized I am extremely blessed and also that I have so much to give. But with all of this, I see that my passions in life are becoming more and more clear every single day.

Life has its ups and downs, the good and the bad. To get me through all of this, I have learned that music is something that is always constant. Never changing, something that I can always turn to. It wakes me up and sings me to sleep, it helps me study and gets me through hard times. It feels, it knows my every mood, my every tribulation in this life. Without it, I don't think I would be who I am. It is, in a sense, a part of me. Now, you may think I sound crazy but clearly, you have never experienced great music.

I have grown up a lot in my time here in college. I say for the better but, some will always say for the worse. I know the type of person I am and what I hold true to myself. I might have slipped up a lot, especially this past year but, without those experiences I would not be the person I am supposed to be. I truly believe everything that happens in your life has some sort of purpose; the people you meet, the places you go, the mistakes you make, they are all apart of something so much bigger that is taking place. I know that in time I will change again, always evolving into what I am supposed to be doing in this life. I know that once I am at the end of my life I will be able to look back and laugh at the good times, cry from the pain, but most importantly smile at all of the memories.

This is your life. You are living it every single day and we take that so much for granted. I challenge you to take a look at your heart and take a look at who you are. Are you happy with yourself? Are you where you want to be? And if the answer is no, change it before life flies by you like a brisk winter breeze, leaving you cold and lost.

Overdue

I haven't wrote anything on here in a really long time and just need some venting time. Today was a very hard day for me because it was the last time I will ever be allowed in my grandmas house, the place I grew up in. It is a very difficult situation having to give something like that up and it brought back the memory of the day that she died almost a year ago. My grandma was one of the most genuine, caring, loving, people I knew. She is proof to me that God only takes the best and he had to break our heart in order to prove that..

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I woke up that sunny Friday morning ready for a fun filled day at the lake with my best friends.  Were all sitting on the couch just chatting away and my phone goes off, its Mom. I answer the phone and when I do, I hear panic in her voice. I slowly make my way to my room and in my gut know that something isn’t right. I reach my door and creak it open ever so slowly as I ask her whats wrong. She says the word “meme” and I completely lose control of my body. I don’t know how I got there but all of a sudden I am on the floor next to my bed, screaming. It feels like my heart was ripped right out of my body and I couldn’t breathe. I give the phone to my friend and she talks to my mom. A million thoughts run through my head, this cant be happening, oh please just let this all be a dream; more like my worst nightmare. The thought always came through my head every once in awhile, what if meme were to die? And the thought itself was so painful that I would push it out of my head as fast as it could. The only difference this time is that I couldn’t push that thought, because it was real life. I don’t remember too much of that day, I know I just stayed in my room sobbing, packing, and talking on the phone. All I wanted was to see her again and not in the way that I was going to in the next couple of days. My cousin picked me up from school. The car ride consisted of us saying over and over how we couldn’t believe that she was gone and family stories of memories that made my heart hurt even more. I wasn’t ready for this, it took me by complete surprise just like a storm brewing across the ocean and it didn’t blow over, it completely destroyed me. I got home and as soon as I saw my mom I started crying again, asking why this happened, how could this happen? I went to bed that night with tears flooding my pillowcase and tried to dream of happier days.

I don’t know if I’m ready for this, to see her like that. I cant not go in, but I need to be there for my family and to honor her. The overwhelming smell of flowers hit my nostals as I walked in the room. I turned to my right and there right in front of me was my worst nightmare and I screamed. She lay so perfectly still and so beautiful, so peaceful. And normally you would say, “now shes in peace, in happiness, not hurting anymore.” Except for the fact that she never spent a day in the hospital and she was out playing cards with her friends the night before. I just was ready to wake up, I had, enough. But it was a continuous nightmare that I would never wake up from. She was really gone. My grandma, my best friend. Such a life to take, a generous heart stopped beating, and our souls broke in the process 

 

Meme was taken from us so sudden and so quick. It was and still is like it never happened. This is the first time I am actually expressing my feelings about her death. It stings, and it makes me feel numb whenever I think about it, because to me it’s like she’s on vacation and she’s just gonna walk through the door and say “Hey guys! I’m back!” in her little high pitched, fun voice. Oh how I miss that. I’ve asked time and time again, why her? Why now? She was in such good health, so happy.. why did she have to be taken from us so quickly? I don’t have an answer to any of those questions and my heart still wrestles with the fact that she is not here anymore. But I can say that I know its going to take some time for me to let her go. She was a huge part of many peoples lives and mine. She was our rock, our foundation, our best friend. 

Death is something we all go through, its just apart of life, and its a sucky part at that. I never really realized what impact death could have on me until I lost someone so close to me. It has taught me that this is something that I'm not going to just get over in a couple days, or months, or even years. And in fact I probably never really will get over it. But it is also teaching me how precious life really is, and puts in perspective the things that should be important to me. 

One of the things that my grandma taught me is that Family is everything. Family is the most important thing, its what makes life worth while. Family is always there for you not matter what, through thick and thin and without it you really have nothing. I will never forget that and even though she is no longer here on earth with us, her presence still lives inside me and I hope to one day be half the women she was and still is<3 

RIP MEME. I'll love you, forever.  

"You will always be apart of me, as long as I live"<3  

Will you be Mine ?

Well here we go,  My FIRST blog post. Yes, it's 1:43am on a Monday night, I have a 930 in the morning and homework to still accomplish. My pandora is roaring loud as my thoughts spill all over my head. I will do anything right now to get out of doing my homework. -_- Its been a busy week, and its only Monday, well now Tuesday I guess if were getting technical.
But Today is that day, Valentines Day. Yepp, I said it. For all you single-swag ladies out there, I know you are cringing at the very sound of the word. I was in your same exact shoes exactly, hmm lets see, 4 hours ago. Until I realized something... Why does Valentines day have to be about couples ?! Who ever set that RULE... okay well maybe cupid did but still, why do we let it define us like that.
I realized tonight after creeping my newsfeed on facebook that a lot of people are complaining about being single or what to do because they don't have a guy.. and I was the same way. (I already had my pre-made status made in my head: Valentines day: just another day to me) HOW freaking pathetic am I...like seriously. I don't need NO man to make me happy. It hit me like a wave of cold water. Suddenly I thought about my life and all the things that I have to be thankful for. I thought about the people that have nothing in other places of this world and I felt pathetic... REALLY, am I sitting here feeling sorry for myself for no reason, over an Over-Commercialize "American" holiday ?!?!!? Then I thought about all the other single people out there and I wanted to speak to them.  I wanted them to understand and realize what I had realized in those few moments...
Valentines day doesn't have to be about boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives...yadayadayada it is about sharing and telling the people that you love that you care about them! You can be perfectly happy on Valentines day and every other day that you are single...even if you just got out of a relationship with someone. You are STRONG you are BEAUTIFUL, and you are created by someone that loves you so very much.

This year GOD is my Valentine<3 And he is the only one I will really ever need. The great thing is that he will always be my valentine.. No matter how bad I mess up, no matter how many mistakes I make, no matter how many promises I break because He loves me, truly and fully.. and you know what He loves YOU too. Even if you don't know him. He can make you whole.. he can take away the loneliness you feel inside your heart, the pain you feel every night. You may go day to day just shrugging him off but he's always there waiting for you to embrace his presence. I tell you this because I want you to know Him like I do. Now, don't get me wrong I have a lot of growing to do in my relationship with Him, but everyday I can feel it getting better. I can stand here and say this to you because of some very amazing people that have come into my life this year. With these girls in my life I would not be writing this blog post to you today. They are the reason I have found God again, and I didn't even know that I was lost to begin with...that's the scary part. They are my foundation and my rock and have brought me back to the loving God I knew when I was younger. One other thing that has changed my view on everything is the book "The Shack" please read this book if you have the chance, it might flip your world upside down, and you might not agree with some of the things in it but trust me its all worth it. It will make you think about who God is or who you think He is if you already know him, even if it might be fiction. Just read it, you have NOTHING to lose but all to gain

Now, if you don't know me, that's okay and if you don't know God that's okay too. I just felt like this was something on my heart that needed to be set free. You can read this and shrug it off and go back to living your life or you could do me the biggest favor and just think about what I have said. I must have faith in a pretty awesome God to confess all of this to you, whether you be a complete stranger or someone that I have known my whole life. I just want you to know that no matter who you are you are loved by someone that created love. Well, that might be hard to explain and hard to believe but it is the truth and I am, as well as many others that I know, living proof of his love.

This day marks the change of my life..I am ready to start being BOLD in my faith and follow him fully to the best of my ability. Now, does that mean that I am going to change who I am.. well no.. I'm still going to be your best friend, your sister, or just the girl you knew in high school but I will reflect His love in my life to the best that I can. And I am going to tell you that I am going to slip and fall A LOT of times because we all know that I am far from perfect but I know that He will pick me up when I fall and lead the way(: 

John 3:16 "God so LOVED the world that he gave up his one and ONLY son, so that we would be forgiven our sins and live in eternal life." <3

This Valentines day let LOVE in. God is LOVE.